Turning “survival mode” off.

Trigger warning: S.A and alcohol abuse

I spent almost 5 months in total in training, and I felt so proud of myself for getting through what was then, the hardest thing I ever been through.

That was until I made it to “the big Army”. My first duty station was Fort Eustis, Virginia. I’ve never lived on the east coast, so this was a whole new experience for me. But I was young, and I was excited to start my career in the Army.

Not even a few months of me being in the Army, I was drugged and sexually assaulted.

That moment of my life I think about often (still to this day). I usually find myself wondering, “What could I have done differently to avoid this happening to me?”. Even though I was doing nothing wrong, and was completely targeted and taken advantage of. I don’t think there was anything I could have done to make this reality not mine.

From that day forward my mind would never ease up. Always looking over my shoulder. Paranoid. Anxiety attacks in public settings. Trouble sleeping. Fear of unknown places. All the above.

Of course, I have spoke with therapist and counselors and I’ve been on and off different medications for my depression and anxiety, but it’s just continued to be an up and down battle for me.

Then fast forward to 2016– my self proclaimed “rock bottom” year. By this point, I’ve been out of the Army for 2 years, I have 2 kids under 2, and I’m going through a divorce (that escalated quickly, I know!).

But even then, especially then— I was in survival mode. Surviving to make it through my divorce. Surviving to be a single mother of two kids under two. Surviving to just make it through another day. This was honestly one of the toughest years of my life because it truly felt like my world was crumbling around me and all I could do is stand there and watch it fall.

In 2016 I also struggled a lot with excessive drinking. At first, it was just small amounts of wine. It was just a way to help me relax at the end of the night when the kids went to bed. Until, the small amounts of wine turned into bottles a night, and I was no longer feeling relaxed, but completely passed out.

This is honestly one of the darkest parts of my journey— that is painful for to have to relive. But at the time, this was me just trying to survive in the best way I could. Even though my behavior was hurting me more than it was helping me— I truly felt like I just needed it to survive.

Fast forward to March 2017, that was the day I gave up alcohol completely. I got rid of every bottle in my home and told myself, “no more”. That wasn’t an easy battle (and this is a conversation for another blog post), but through me just trying to “survive”, I found my strength. And I truly believe that even at the lowest time in my life— I was showing myself that, I am a fighter.

I know now that even at the lowest times in my life— I am going to come back up even stronger.

I know that when life throws me a punch, I’m going to come back swinging even harder.

I know that, what’s meant to keep me down— won’t keep me down long.

Because I always get back up.

Even when it feels completely impossible, I just keep pushing forward.

But that’s not to also say—I’m tired.

I’m tired of always feeling like I need to fight.

I’m tired of always feeling like I need to explain myself (because I don’t).

I’m tired of feeling like I need to prove myself (because again, I don’t).

And I’m tired of feeling like I’m always having to anticipate “the next bad thing”.

I’m ready to stop *trying* to survive.

Over the last decade of my life—

I’ve showed myself what my consistency and habits can get me.

I’ve shown myself my willpower.

I’ve shown myself my worth,

and I’ve shown myself no matter what happens next, I’ll always make it through.

I’ve become who I am today,

because I had to fight like hell to get here.

But— how do we turn survival mode off?

How do we push past “trying to survive”, and we simply just… thrive.

Well, I wish it was a simple “1, 2, 3” answer. And unfortunately, it’s not— but here is what I’ve been doing over the last year to work on escaping survival mode.

Tips to “escape survival mode”:

1. Prioritize Self-Care: Take care of your physical and mental well-being is so important. This means, getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. 

2. Set Boundaries: Learning to say no is such an important part of this process (especially for a recovering people pleaser like myself). But these boundaries for yourself are important to establish to prevent yourself from feeling overwhelmed, or life you need to initiate “survival mode”. It’s also important to prioritize your own needs and not take on more than you can handle. If you are struggling to identify what it is you TRULY need, take a moment to listen to my podcast, “The power of you”. I have a podcast episode called, “The power of checking in with yourself” that could be very helpful 🩷 but as a mother of three, I know prioritizing your own needs can feel overwhelming. Especially since we often feel like everything and everyone comes before us. But hear me when I say— your needs matter TOO! You deserve to do things for yourself too. 

3. Practice Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness techniques into your daily routine, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises can be so beneficial to keeping your mind at ease. This can help you stay present in your life (and not have you stressing about things that haven’t even happened) and even help to reduce your stress and anxiety. I’ve also been journaling a LOT, which has also been such a great part of my mindfulness routine. If you have been wanting to journal, but get overwhelmed on what to write, or how to get started— check out my guided reflection journal on Amazon called, “The power of self-reflection”. 

4. Focus on some goals: Goal setting always makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I have other, more positive and productive things to focus on, and has been a game changer for me. So I would definitely recommend taking some time to identify your short-term and long-term goals, and align your actions and decisions accordingly. Because for me personally, I feel like having a clear sense of purpose can  definitely help you navigate through challenging times and provide a sense of direction.

5. Seek Support: This is a big one, but I also know asking for help can be hard. I am definitely someone who prides herself on doing everything alone (I don’t know why that’s a prideful thing for me, but it is). But I have realized over the years that people do want to be there to help support me, no matter what that means. So don’t stop yourself from asking for help and support if you need it. Reach out to your trusted friends, your family, or like I mentioned earlier, a therapist or counselor. You don’t have to navigate your feelings alone. You deserve to feel heard and supported and even encouraged. You are not alone. 

6. Break your tasks down into more manageable steps: When you feel like you have a LOT of your to-do list— it can definitely feel overwhelming and force you into a survival mode mindset. And sometimes— we have more swirling around in our head than we know what to do with. So that’s why I always recommend 1. Write down what you NEED to do. Organize the thoughts going on in your mind, and give yourself a chance to break down any tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. This can definitely help you feel less overwhelmed and more in control of what’s going on in your life. Also, feel free to check out my, “Make it happen, girl” planner on Amazon to help you organize your thoughts, track your meals/workouts, write out affirmations and even a space to write your to-do priority lists. 

All in all— I understand that flipping the switch to survival mode “off” isn’t easy. Because I’ve personally been on a up and down roller coaster for the last 10 years just trying to prove to myself I don’t need to fight to survive. Because I’m okay. But I know this isn’t something you just tell yourself and that’s all you need.

I know I need time. I know I need permission to take things slow. I know I need to give myself space to continue to heal. And I know that no matter what— I am strong.

But I don’t want to continually feel like I need to fight to survive. I’m ready to thrive.

I’m ready to full submerge myself in my “soft girl era” and not feel like everything has to be so nitty gritty and tough.

But I also know what’s required of me to get there. The inside work we want to tend to want to avoid because it is actual WORK. 

So I will continue to show up for myself in all the ways I possibly can to show myself I don’t need to live in survival mode.

Affirmations for anyone living in survival mode:

1. I am resilient and capable of overcoming any challenges that come my way.

2. I deserve peace, abundance, and happiness in my life.

3. I am worthy of taking care of myself and prioritizing my well-being.

4. I have the strength and courage to create a better future for myself.

5. I am not defined by my circumstances, but by my ability to rise above them.

6. I have the power to make positive changes in my life.

7. I am resourceful and can find solutions to any problems I encounter.

8. I am deserving of love, support, and kindness from myself and others.

9. I am in control of my thoughts and emotions, and I choose to focus on positivity and optimism.

10. I am capable of achieving my goals and creating a life filled with joy and fulfillment.

Repeat these affirmations regularly, especially during challenging times 🩷

These affirmations can help shift your mindset, and empower you to move beyond survival mode towards a more fulfilling and thriving life.

We can do it! We deserve it! 🫶🏻

To anyone constantly feeling like you’re operating in survival mode: you are not alone. You have people who care, and want to help you thrive. But you have to be willing to take some steps on your own. Ask for help! Reach out to someone. But please don’t feel like you have to take this on alone. Because you don’t, my friend. You can do this.