I’m done apologizing for… doing what’s best for ME 👏🏻
Hello, my name is Ashley and I’m a recovering people pleaser ❤️🩹 But not just that… because I have definitely fallen victim of doing for myself what other people convince me is best for me.
And I’m here to say 0/10 recommend that.
You see… ever since I was a young girl I was always easily persuaded by the media. I remember reading magazines like Cosmopolitan and seeing all the different recommended diets or new fade cleanses, and even articles like, “how to disguise your belly”. I also remember always seeing and flipping through the Victoria’s Secret magazine my mom would get in the mail and bullying myself because I didn’t look like them.
But it didn’t stop there for me ❤️🩹
All of the celebrities that I looked up to, all of the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon stars I love to watch growing up all looked the same way.
And I was thoroughly convinced by the age of 10 or 11 that if I didn’t look how these girls did— I wasn’t ever going to be seen as “beautiful”.
As a young girl who was already struggling with her weight and self-esteem, this was truly a hard pill to swallow.
But my struggles with my weight didn’t stop for me as a kid. I struggled with my weight as a teenager, and even a young adult in the Army.
My weight, my appearance, my self-esteem, my self-confidence were all things that were always a battle for me. Because at such a young age I was always convinced that I needed to look one type of way in order to be loved, and to feel loved by myself 💔
But as I have continued to grow through this journey of mine, I have realized that this journey has been SO much more for me than just loosing weight. Throughout this journey, I have realized that a lot of decisions I have made for myself, were actually decisions I made with a LOT of outside influence. Things I thought I wanted for myself, were actually things I didn’t truly want for myself. And how I viewed myself (even at my lowest weight of 148 pounds) still wasn’t good enough for me.
I have realized that what I want for myself, and what society and social media tell me I want are two COMPLETELY different things. Because while I always thought “smaller equals happier”, it took me actually getting there to realize how UNTRUE that actually is (do you see the lack of smile on my face?).
So while this picture (at the top) looks like a reverse progress picture, it’s actually meant to look this way. Because while some people will say, “you looked better before“, that is because I was trying my hardest to conform to what society and social media told me was “beautiful”. Beautiful for me isn’t a size. It’s a feeling. It’s the confidence I feel. It’s the pride I feel in my body. It’s the compassion for myself that I feel in my heart. THAT is beautiful to me. And after spending my WHOLE life at war with myself… making peace with myself feels really good.
So moving forward, I am DONE apologizing for the decisions I make regarding MY body. If it feels right to me, I am going to do it. Of course, knowing me, a lot of CAREFUL thought and reasearch will go into it. But I am tired of holding myself back from what I want to do because I fear the thoughts, input and opinions of others. Because at the end of the day, that’s all they are, opinions.
So I don’t know who needs to hear this, but silence that outside noise, friend. Turn off the outside influence, opinions and input. Make the decisions you want for your fitness, nutrition, weight, size or WHATEVER it is because YOU want it. Because this life should not be spent trying to make everyone else happy about what you are doing with YOUR body.
So if it feels right. If it feels like it aligns with this part of your journey. If it feels good to YOU… do it. No matter what it is. Let this be your “focused on my needs” era. But also hear me when I say, you don’t always need to be shrinking yourself to try and fit in a box. You are allowed to be any size, shape, or build you want… regardless of what society says.
Remember that! 💜
XO, Ashley Ta
